Who I Am

Who I Am

This story is fiction, although some characters are real.  Now you do not have to tell me that this first video was actually produced in Brazil. Oh pshaw, just a mere technicality!  Please use your imagination and pretend it was produced in the USA.  Playing the music videos are optional, but make sure you at least watch the ‘The Logical Song’ and ‘My Maria’!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNdvvgvxERc

The Logical Song

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful

A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical

And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily

Oh joyfully, playfully watching me

But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible

Logical, oh responsible, practical

And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable

Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical

There are times when all the world's asleep

The questions run too deep

For such a simple man

Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned

I know it sounds absurd

Please tell me who I am

I said, watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical

Liberal, oh fanatical, criminal

Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're acceptable

Respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable

Oh, take it take it yeah

But at night, when all the world's asleep

The questions run so deep…

The young man had journeyed far that day at rather high speed with his mind absorbed in his thoughts and when he came back to the real world, he found himself outside Farmington, Utah. You would think he had ventured far enough but he felt he needed to go further. But there came a problem as it was getting towards the end of the day and he was tired of driving, was hungry and thirsty, and he realized he best get off the highway to rest and replenish his energy. His finances were limited, having just a bit of cash and a credit card with a limit and so accommodation needed to be cheap, if not to find some ground under a secluded bridge or grove of trees to sleep in once he had consumed some food.

He found a local park of rest with patches of greenery despite the cold spring like conditions he was experiencing. He drove past an elderly couple sitting on a park bench with their canes in hand, breathing in the fresh air and experiencing the serenity the park had to offer. Being a friendly Canadian gentleman known for his charm, he gave a wave, and they reciprocated as if they had been honored to have been noticed. Time to get off his motorcycle since his seat had gotten so sore having traveled for hours on end. 

Parking the bike on the grass, the young man walked back to have a friendly chat with the couple and perhaps get some needed advice. Despite his troubled mind, he still had been able to retain his good natured disposition. Fortunately, he glanced back at his bike for a second check on his way, as the grass under the bike was soft and its stand started to sink into the soil on one side.  He was able to race back to catch it before it fell over completely, then repositioned the bike to try again, but it started to fall the other way! This gave his onlookers something different to observe. So, on his third attempt, he positioned his bike on the foot path where the soil was firmer since it was compacted upon use. 

Coming over to the couple, who continued to study his activity, he chose to comment.

“I think the bike is just tired from the long day of travel and needs a rest, ah, hah, hah, hee, hee!”

He was trying to be funny, but perhaps they never found much humor in it, or did not hear properly. However, they must have been becoming more comfortable with his presence as a complete stranger since he observed the smiles showing on their faces. Finding a comfy spot in the grass across from them, the elderly couple zeroed in with their hearing aids for what he was going to say next.

“Hi, I am Les. Good for you to have made your way to this park to give yourself some exercise and to have some peaceful time outside.  I mean no harm, sorry for intruding, but I was wondering if you could give me some advice."

“Well certainly,” said the old man. “What would you like to know?”

“I drove down from Canada and am needing a place to eat and sleep and was wondering what my options are?  I only have limited funds and so will have to economize in order to get to where I want to go."

“And where are you going?"

“Well, that is the tricky part as I do not know yet. I am escaping what I had and am needing to spend some time to myself. Getting away to take in some scenery for what this world has to offer seemed like my best idea. I am not wanting to cut short my stay until I have had enough time to unwind and digest my thoughts."

“Well, there are places here, but quite fancy and may not be in your price range."

“Say, you know what, it just so happens I have something that I know you will really like as a souvenir from Canada.” Les pulls out of his pack a little bottle of maple syrup with a moose showing on the label, and so truly Canadian. The elderly couple were so pleasantly surprised by the kind giving of this young man that they soon became embraced in his peaceful pleasant mannerism and were enjoying immensely the conversation they were having. They had nothing on the go as a retired couple other than to exist. After further chat, it was time for the Missus to speak up.

“Well, I tell you what, Les. I think you could use a little break since you have come all this way. You seem like a nice charming young man. It just so happens we have a comfy cot on our porch and a convenient bath with shower if you need. We also happen to have a pot of shepherd’s pie on the stove we were going to have tomorrow but we could give you some this evening! We have absolutely nothing to do these days with our family all busy, not living in this area, and we have been rather bored silly! We would be more than happy to put you up for the evening for free and give you a hearty breakfast in the morning to get you off to a good start!"

“Oh, that would be awesome! That’s sounds like a really good idea and something that I would appreciate very much! Thank you, and I will gladly accept your invitation!”

What more could Les want, just perfect! With free food and lodging since he had limited finances, he was all set to be away for another day before he had to journey home again. He needed his time! The elderly couple were very happy to have someone come to their place for a visit. They treated Les like a grandson, pampering him every step of the way which he seemed to have needed because of being, well… tired, thirsty, and hungry. You also can learn a lot from interaction, as he still liked to socialize.

Next day proved to be a little difficult to break away from his new family. He eventually gained success and for most of the day Les had been back on the highway again in a daze, for he had driven so far and stopped along the way to see the odd canyon. Being a country boy at heart, what better way to unwind and let go by motoring on to see what life had to offer around the corner. Once he had come across the warm dry heat of the desert, this only lured him to keep going, stopping for gas and food intake when needed.

The sun was setting and some stars were out already, yet he kept going, which allowed him to keep thinking about what had been and what he wanted to do next. Getting a bit sleepy was not something he had yet considered and now he was experiencing the desert cooling off. He chose that day to not wear his gloves, but now his hands were turning cold as ice when he temporarily needed to break through a mountain range full of rain to get back to the desert flats.  In amongst what appeared to be sagebrush with a sprinkling of cactus, he noticed a campfire off the road in the distance. This campfire beckoned him to get off the freeway for awhile and come over to it to warm up. He finally had a plan. 

While pulling up to the campfire in the desert sand, he noticed what appeared to be mud huts and teepees close by, then some members of a Navajo tribe huddled around the fire in their native attire. Without hesitation, since feeling a bit chilly, damp, and shivering a little, he parked his bike, but had trouble moving his cramped legs since his body had molded itself to the bike’s saddle seat. There was an empty spot by the fire and so he sat down with them on the ground crossing his legs before speaking. Every Navajo around that fire had their eyes on the young man.  Because Les came across as being friendly, gentle, and non offensive, he had his way with people. 

“Hello! Aaaaaah, that feels so good! Now I know you were not expecting anyone to drop in like this and so I probably have just a little explaining to do, hah, hah, hee, hee. But first of all, I was just a bit cold to say the least and needing to warm up, if that is okay?”

No one responded. Les noticed one member seemed to be the elder of the circle, one with more of a formidable presence. Les chose to look directly to him.

“I am a country boy at heart and…"

“What is your name, boy?"

“Les. I drove down from Canada."

“No white man comes into our place like this and makes himself at home."

“Really? Yeah, well, it seems like I can relate better with your kind of people since you are a lot closer to nature and you show more love, respect, and appreciation for the plants and animals and how they work together in harmony to balance nature. Say, as a thank you, I have something special to give you.”

Les reached into his backpack and pulled out another little bottle of Canadian maple syrup complete with a picture of a moose on its label, a souvenir from Canada. He gave it to the elder, who accepted it showing a friendly expression of gratitude.

“Well, thank you, as I like maple syrup! And it comes from Canada! You came a long way. What are you doing down here?"

“Good question. I just needed to get away and spend time to think what I want out of life and to find out who I am."

“I know who you are. You are Les." That brought laughter to all present

“Yes, well, Les does not know who Les is.  I need to find myself."

“Not quite correct. You need to find out what your strengths are, as they identify who you are. You should not dwell long on your weaknesses, but only look to improve yourself so they no longer exist, and stay positive. Then you need to give yourself permission to be who you are. No more excuses."

“Yeah, I suppose you are right. I know the country and I know horses, but working in a bank just does not cut it for me. Then there is this young lady named Connie who wants me to marry her and I was not going to have any of that. She is a nice person and everything but there is no way I want to live her lifestyle in a critical, cynical world, going to work nine to five every day. I need my freedom as I cannot be that restricted and disciplined. I need to be my own boss and not be told how to live."

“Would you care for some cactus tea?”

“Hey, that would be greatly appreciated as my throat got quite dry riding across the desert this afternoon.”

“Are you hungry? Do you need anything to eat?"

“No, not really, thanks, as I dropped into a diner further back and got some grub to fill me up. To be quite honest with you though, I have no idea what I will find further down the road for a place to sleep, as I have been so overwhelmed with thought and so did not make any plans. Basically, I have been in a complete daze ever since leaving, as I just wanted to get away from everything. Is there a town close by?"

“Not really, but you seem like a nice honorable young gentleman. We have a spare teepee that we use for any elders who are passing through this area.  There is no one there tonight. The teepee has two wool blankets to keep you warm. There is a creek behind our place that you can use to wash up.  Tomorrow morning, we will give you a traditional Navajo breakfast to fill your tummy up before you go on your way."

“Well, great! Simply fantastic! Thank you very much!  I really appreciate this!”

“We also have some wild Mustang horses we could show you if you are interested in the morning…”

How could things have possibly been any better for Les in that moment and for him to wake up tomorrow morning to continue to talk about something of common interest…this is a miracle! Let it be! The tribe had welcomed him with open arms because he came in and was himself, making good use of a strength: his charm. He revisited having another strength, in knowing how to take care of horses. Les was realizing he did have an identity and he was learning who he was.

As it turned out, the tribe was looking to tame one horse with no name, and noticing the talents the young man had with horses the next morning, a deal was struck for Les to stay for awhile to make some progress with that horse, and give him permission to ride throughout their territory. Les became interested in taking on that challenge to see what he could do. Besides, he really did not want to say no to his new found friends but he had no intention to stay as long as he did. His time spent with the Navajos though allowed him to reconnect with nature, which he never realized he had lost and sorely missed. It was others that influenced him earlier to switch over to a more rigid artificial lifestyle as can be found in an urban setting.

America - A Horse With No Name Lyrics - YouTube

I've been through the desert

On a horse with no name

It felt good to be out of the rain

In the desert, you can remember your name

'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain

What caused him to leave that reservation was that the skies turned a bit stormy, creating dusty conditions that were not ideal for horse training. Les let his horse run free to seek shelter, then said his goodbyes to the Navajos, his new found friends for life, as the time had come to move on and brave the elements with his bike. Once he had gone a few miles along the highway, fortunately the wind started to settle down to make his trip more enjoyable. He still did not know for sure where he was going but he was glad to be in the warm desert air. After a few hours of steady driving, he pulls up to a gas station way down in Cave Creek, Arizona, with a rustic Spanish flavored tavern next door and so was set for a fill up and food intake. 

Hello, what do we have here, thought Les. There was an ugly spider at the back of his bike with his web still in tact that he never noticed when leaving the reservation hastily. That’s what happens when you leave your bike sitting for a few days in the country as the spider chose to have a new home. He does not particularly like creepy, crawly critters that bite and so shudders about it while sweeping it away. 

After fill up, he makes his way over to the tavern. Sitting down at a bar stool, he was pleasantly welcomed by a stunningly beautiful young lady with long flowing blonde hair in western attire.

“Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Juan’s Catina. May I get you a drink?” The waitress does a rewipe of the counter to ensure cleanliness, knocking a naughty gecko off the counter, sending him high flying across the room and magically out the open window as if she had done that many times before.

“Buenos dias, senorita!” This seemed like a most appropriate greeting based on setting. “I bet he thinks twice about coming back in here again, heh, heh."

“Uh, no, not really. He will be back."

 “Hmmm, well, let’s see.., how about a ginger ale with some ice, please."

“Ginger ale? What’s that? Where are you from?"

“Oh, I came from Canada and I forgot you do not have much of that down here, sorry, just give me a glass of whatever is on the tap then, thanks."

“Canada? What are you doing down here? 

“Good question. Just exploring I suppose. Nice outfit you have on and your hair is so soft and lovely."

“Thanks. My clothing matches my interest, which is riding horses."

“Really? That is a strong interest of mine as well, as I had been riding and training horses when I lived on the farm and went to school." 

“Wow, you train horses? I really want to train my horse and learn how to properly take care of him, but do not have much time and cannot afford much.  Omigosh, you sure have been in the sun a lot for being someone from up north!"

“Yeah, I just finished spending 10 days with the Navajos helping to tame a wild Mustang. Not the most pleasant experience sleeping in a tent with rattlers and scorpions to contend with but I survived. By the way, I have a little something to give you that maybe this tavern might be able to make good use of.”

Les pulls out yet another one of his little bottles of maple syrup and the waitress accepted the nice gift with a warm smile on her face.

“Well, thank you! How sweet of you! Say, if you are planning to be around for another day, maybe you could see the horses we have on our acreage?"

“Sure, why not? Except I need to find a place to stay. I definitely could give you some pointers on what you can do with them."

“Well, hey, tell you what, you seem like a nice young gentleman. Let me talk to my mother and see if it is okay for you to stay overnight at our place as we have a spare bedroom. What is your name?"

“Les. That would be great! And your name is?"

“Maria.”

Chatting with an extremely attractive lady in a new town south of the border who gave him an offer for free boarding with the sun setting in the west, only to wake up tomorrow morning to continue to talk about something of common interest…this is a miracle! Let it be! There was only one slight problem with all of this, for Maria was showing off a rather large rock on her third finger, but Les was not going to think about that for now.

After some further chat with Maria and her mother and a tummy full of beer, steak, and fries, it was time for Les to follow her jeep out to the acreage in the country. It was a bit of a challenge to keep up as they got onto some rough gravel road, causing Les to breathe in all of her dust from the travel, but he persevered. Pulling up finally to a ranch house, he could now relax. Maria introduced Les to her Grandpa who was in his rocking chair on a rather rustic balcony. Les noticed some city lights in the distance and he must have looked rather curious and so Grandpa chose to clarify.

“Phoenix.”

Now as things would happen magically, Les ended up staying a lot longer than anticipated! Matter of fact, one month later he was still there! Maria was getting the horse training lessons she so desperately needed. Meanwhile, Les helped out working in the tavern to gain some cash and help pay for his boarding as well as allow him to take this saddle making course in Cave Creek with purchased leather and hand tools. He figured he might as well buy a few Western clothes while at it so he could fit in better in that area. Then of course, there was Maria.

My Maria

Don't you know I've come a long, long way

I been longing to see her

When she's around she takes my blues away

Sweet Maria the sunlight surely hurts my eyes

I'm a lonely dreamer on a highway in the skies

There were some blue and sorrow times

Just my thoughts about you bring back my piece of mind

Gypsy lady you're a miracle work for me

You set my soul free like a ship sailing on the sea

She is the sunlight

When skies are gray

She treats me so right lady

Take me away

Everyone in that area whom he met liked Les, being so polite and considerate and he was able to have a chat with Grandpa daily to talk about everything from the days of the wild west to current events. Now you would think that Les would have talked to Maria about that rock on her finger but he just played along with their romance, knowing he might have the ‘rug pulled out’ from underneath his feet eventually.

What was coming up soon was that his buddy Adam was wanting to have some of his own adventure, being jealous for what Les was able to do, which was to leave everything behind and miraculously make ends meet to extend his stay. Adam got in touch to ask if he wanted to come with him in his sports car convertible so they could spend a few days in California cruising along to observe what there was to see. Les did not want to say no and perhaps it might be best to get away for awhile since he was getting quite attached to his Maria (or was she his)? Besides, his saddle making course was all but done.  Maria was in town on her shift, while Les was back at the ranch sitting with Grandpa looking across at the sun setting. Grandpa had some things he needed to get off his chest.

“Did you know that Maria has been using you? She is engaged to a marine who will be coming home shortly after serving his time overseas. She needed your expertise with horses and so has been taking you for a bit of a ride in order for you to stay and give her what she needs. She also wanted you to help keep her company, as she was getting quite lonely."

“I kind of figured most of that, not having heard the story from her. To some extent, I suppose I have been taking advantage of you two as well, with subsidized room and board.  I certainly have enjoyed my stay, needing some time, but my buddy Adam could show up early tomorrow morning to take me away. I sure like Maria very much, having feelings for her, which was bound to happen. I would like to think that she has feelings for me as well.  I know she made a commitment though to her fiancé. I wish that things could be different.”

The conversation had ended as any further talk needed to be done between Maria and Les. The only problem in Les’s mind, was exactly when this was to occur.  Let’s just say that Les did not sleep very well that night. With Maria staying late on her shift and sleeping in, sure enough Adam drove up to the acreage at the crack of dawn. Les walked out to greet him.

“Hey Adam, my buddy, good to see you."

“Hey Les, likewise. Where do you have all your maple syrup?"

“Oh, I used all that up a very long time ago."

“Where’s your bike? What are we going to do with it?"

“I sold it."

“Sold it? What for?"

“I needed the cash to live on as I had to buy some new clothes and some food now and again. Besides, I think the motor was going as I have been driving on these country roads stirring up a lot of sand."

“Well, I guess that solves that problem. So, this means I need to take you back to Canada when we are finished cruising around then."

“Yeah, but…I just might not want to go back."

“What? What are you talking about, Les? Of course, you do! You cannot stay forever, as you have no working visa and they will catch up to you sooner or later and all your stuff is back in Canada!"

“Yes… but Maria is here."

“Maria? Who on earth is Maria? Whatever happened to Connie?” Adam studies Les’s face.

“Oh no, not this again! Les, you need to stop doing this! You know you are too young to settle down as you told me this yourself! Why do you keep doing this?"

“I don’t know, it just happens!"

“She must be quite nice since you just had broken up with Connie and she was still fresh on your mind."

“Yeah, she is very pretty and fun to be with."

“Is she a good person?"

“Well, that I cannot say for sure as she is engaged…to someone else."

“What? Engaged?  Les, you are a complete idiot!"

“I know. But I did find myself while here. I know I want to raise horses for a living and Maria did allow me to forget about Connie."

“I got to get you out of here, right NOW. Go get all of your stuff as we need to leave here in 10 minutes, understand?"

“Yeah but Maria is sleeping and I should say goodbye, although I do not know what to tell her. I know she has feelings for me even though she is engaged to someone else. She knows I was to leave soon but to tell you the truth, I don’t think I can say goodbye to her. This feeling is different, not like what I felt for Connie. I did give her Grandpa my contact information in case she wants to get in touch with me."

“Look, if this was meant to be, she will find you later by tracking you down. You need to give her some space so she can decide where her heart is. Nice guys finish first, not last. Let the future unfold as it should. Now go get your stuff before this car fills up with these squiggly geckos! We also need to get out of here before it starts to rain. See that cloud over there? It is not supposed to rain here as this is the desert!"

Les knew Adam was right, and while quickly gathering his belongings, he left him with Grandpa who was as usual on the balcony rocking his chair. With his stuff gathered, he said a brief thank you and goodbye but not until slipping Grandpa a little note for Maria. Without any hesitation they jumped into the sports car. Adam chose to give him a few more words of encouragement as they took off. 

“Les, everything will be fine! I know it will be, trust me! California is beckoning! Just think of Sunset Boulevard!”

Les never took his eyes off that ranch house until he could not see it anymore…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfCHGNkWFVM

It's Raining Again

Oh no, my love's at an end

And you know it's hard to pretend

Too bad I'm losing a friend

Oh will my heart ever mend…

You're old enough some people say

To read the signs and walk away

It's only time that heals the pain

And makes the sun come out again…

Come on you little fighter

No need to get up tighter

Come on you little fighter

And get back up again…

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Hey Les, this story is for you.  May you be in love in paradise, riding a horse, with your dog on your lap.