Fix You
This is a true story.
I always wanted to be independent, make my own decisions, control my own destiny. My mother used to smother me with love and perhaps based on my opinion became too involved in my personal life, but rightfully so based on my maturity level. Once she gained confidence that I had a good head on my shoulders and I would not stray too far from doing what is right, she backed off to give me the freedom I wanted, to fend for myself and make my own decisions. She gained trust in me. God treats us in a similar way in that he gives us free will to think for ourselves and He does not get involved in what we are doing unless we ask for his help. The choice is ours and He is ready to respond.
My first job outside of university was as a management trainee for a bank. Not a bad salary to start with and I was learning and advancing through various positions while based in a branch in Calgary. I knew I was to be transferred to another branch as the bank accountant eventually, but did not know where. Being young and single, I suppose it was easier to move me where others could not go, and so they transferred me to Peace River, Alberta, miles from nowhere! I was well liked despite my rather unpolished interpersonal skills. At my going away 'party', I told my fellow staff members to please drop in for a visit, if you happen to be 'passing through', knowing that was never going to occur.
I actually adjusted quite well as I had been born and raised on a farm and therefore used to a more laid back, quieter life. But there was absolutely no way I was going to work for the next 40 years without seeing some of the world, and there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life in Peace River. I did get into the game of curling, because what else are you going to do in 40 below weather. I met a couple of young ladies, but they did not really interest me much. I would take that eight hour drive home on long weekends to say hello to my parents, then turn around and go back again.
After my one year anniversary working there, I contacted my buddy Les, who had a horse ranch near Drumheller, saying we needed to go on a little adventure and spend two months touring Australia. He jumped on my bandwagon as he really wanted to see that country and all we then had to do was plan our trip out, make arrangements for what we left behind, and go. Fortunately the bank was willing to give me a three month leave of absence, and because I was going to be gone for such a long duration, they needed to find someone else to take my place, so that once I came back, I would be relocated back in Calgary! Not only did I get approval to go on a long trip and keep my job, I was going to come back to the city life and so I was a happy camper! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
I had been quite naïve when going to university and needed to grow up, which I did to some extent, but I had never done much travelling before. It was my job to come up with the flights for the trip and so I phoned Air Canada, paid thousands and my job was done. Then a travel agent heard what I had done, and even though they were my bank's client, I chose not to use them. Well, I thought it would be cheaper to do it myself and not pay a commission, but then learned after being scolded that they could have saved me hundreds of dollars since I paid full fare! Now this is an example of how naïve and immature I was when it came to travelling. I had limited financial resources to begin with and so any contingency fund was getting spent on the initial flight and we had not started our trip yet!
I still was going to have some money sitting in my bank account back in Peace River if needed. The whole branch knew of my plans and they gave me specific instructions of what to do when in Australia if I needed to send a telegram requesting money. Just go to a bank that our own bank was associated with and the money could be wire transferred. Also with loving parents, I knew I could always contact them and ask for money if need be, but did not think this would be necessary.
We did do a fair amount of planning getting ideas on how to be safe. Credit cards were relatively new technology, but worked in Australia and we each had a small credit rating in case it was needed for emergency purpose. We also took traveler's cheques, not wanting to carry too much cash in case we got mugged. We had a special pouch on a string made to hold our passports against our chest under our shirt in case something happened to our wallet. Some of these ideas came from friends and parents whom we consulted with.
On our trip over, I started to think about a few things. It was at this time for instance that Cambodia was going through a genocide and millions of people were getting killed by those in power. What kind of a world did we have on the go here? My religious beliefs were also quite immature, thinking about God being above, hell below, but then Australia is the land 'down under' and what was below was now up! Nothing made complete sense based on what I had read and was told. My real question was if God was looking after me, like he seemed to be after deciding I was a child of God in Canada, would he follow me to Australia? Good question as I did not know.
I was always inclined to be more spiritual than Les. I had gotten involved with some really nice, loving, wholesome Christians while in Calgary. These people had modern ideas, were children of God, and having been baptized myself earlier in life, I was also just one of them, had the qualifications as a 'branded' Christian. They warmed up to me quite nicely as they liked my non assertive and non competitive behaviour I saw a brighter side of life with them. It was through their influence that I came to speak to God for the first time with meaning one evening and I had this incredible warm feeling come over me.
Our strategy was to “buy” motorbikes in Australia, then sell them after our trip! We liked the idea as we had our licenses already, we liked the freedom of being in the open air to get a really good view and feel of the countryside, and motorbikes were easier to park and maneuver. Not likely could we have rented a motorbike for the whole trip of two months and thousands of miles. We could have rented a van, but it would have been cost prohibitive and we never had driven on the wrong side of the road before, using kmh as opposed to mph. We had the right idea based on what we wanted to get out of our trip.
Another idea we came up with when we arrived was that after spending a few days in Sydney, we saw a nice red used motorbike at a car dealership sitting in a lot and we figured surely they wanted to get rid of it since they were more into selling cars. We stopped in to inspect, the bike had been traded in for a car, needed to be sold, it was a Honda 350 which we decided was big enough for the trip, we got a really good deal under budget, add a helmet, and we bought! Now we just needed another one, but we could not find one at a car dealership and so had to go to a motorcycle shop.
We explained to the dealer what we were looking for, a used motorbike that was still in good condition to take us on our trip of about 8000 miles, comparable to the 350 we already had. The dealer showed us a few used bikes that were way too expensive for our budget. Then he pulled out from the back of his store a Honda 250, not as powerful, but I had never driven a big motorbike before, only having experience with a Honda 50 back on the farm. I liked how the bike handled on a test drive and felt comfortable with it and the bike could still travel at highway speed. I had talked to a Canadian once before along the way and he had bought a 250 and drove it all the way to Ayers Rock across the desert and back again with no issues. The purchase price was more than the previous one even though less powerful, but we could not shop forever as we wanted to get going on our trip. I pushed Les on this decision, and thus considered it to be mine as this bike was seen as our best option. The dealer also did a good job of convincing us that the bike should get us around on our trip with no issues.
After getting the bikes registered with insurance, our back packs attached to the seats behind us, including camping gear if needed, we were ready for our road show! We wore blue denim jackets with Canadian flags sown on our shoulders so that the Aussies knew we were friendly foreigners and not part of the local Aussie 'bikies' who had developed a bad reputation with their abnormal behaviour. If there still was any doubt in an Aussie's mind, all it took was a couple minutes conversing with Les, who was the most charming person you could ever meet in your life, then they would be completely onside and willing to help out in anyway they could. We had that covered.
What an awesome feeling it was to take our bikes out of the city heading north to Queensland along the coastal highway, feeling the warm humidity, breathing in the fresh Aussie air, getting pounded on the chest though by flying bugs, dodging huge potholes on the road needing repair, spotting the odd wild animal, and noticing the strange grasslands and eucalyptus gum trees. We were on a high as our dreams had become a reality based on all the planning we had done! Life was good in that moment! We made it! We could pull into a service station and have a pineapple and beet sandwich, flirt with the local young Aussie ladies with long flowing blonde hair, as they were curious of us and our lovely foreign accents.
One hundred and fifty miles out of Sydney and in the country, my motorbike started sputtering with no power, and eventually the motor conked out completely, making a horrible noise. Oh bother, now what?! I coasted along in the bike as far as I could as we were in the country, gradually slowing down until I came to a complete stop. What do we do now? I hope this is not serious! We looked up and could see a small village about a mile down the road at a slightly lower elevation. I got off the bike and started pushing with Les puttering along in his bike, trying to avoid falling off since the speed was so slow and keeping his bike on the shoulder. Cars were whizzing by without any regard to our well being.
However, it did not take long to get to town that afternoon and thankfully there was a service station, and oddly it was also a motorbike repair shop! It could have been worse was my response at that point! At least the guy should be able to give us an idea of what was going on with my bike. The owner of the business came out and did an assessment. His conclusion came rather quickly... the motor blew up! The owner said that the bike's motor was put together from a few different parts and the Sydney dealer probably knew the bike was not going to last long, but since he knew we were heading out of town...
Getting the details from us as to who sold us the bike in Sydney, the owner phoned the dealer to explain our plight, and that it was not fair to sell us a bike that had been 'put together'. The dealer said, sorry, there was nothing he could do for us. Now I probably said 'oh shit' at this point which is not my normal demeanor. I had this really sick feeling that us Canadians had really gotten screwed by a crooked dealer in Sydney who sold us a piece of junk that would get us far enough out of city, so that there was no hope in hell we were going to make our way back to complain to get our money back, so we could start over again! We were heading north and not wanting to go back to Sydney! We were only 150 miles on our trip though with thousands of miles to go with limited time and budget, and already down a motorbike!
The owner took pity on us as we were down and out for the count and in a real pickle! We were two young Canadians too naive to know any better.
“Tell you what”, he said, “It just so happens I have a blue Suzuki two stroke 550 that is in really good running order that I can sell you for a special price of $800. Now I was not intending to sell this bike, but I can get another and I do not want to leave you stranded.”
But $800 was more than twice what we paid for the other bikes, but what was our option? I had enough to cover in traveler's cheques, Les could lend me some cash in the meantime, and I would have to request that wire transfer soon from the bank in Peace River to cover cost for the remainder of our trip.
Time to take the bike for a test drive. It had a double seat like most do with no windshield and looked more powerful and tougher than what I had previously. I cranked the throttle like I did with the 250 and the bike almost blew me completely off the seat due to acceleration! The rush of that experience was enough to convince me that I had a 'real motorbike' this time! I learned to back off a bit, then it was a smooth ride! The bike was more top heavy, but I was long and lanky and so could handle it. Time to put this issue behind us, purchase the bike, and continue on with our journey!
We always had places to eat and sleep along the way, staying at motor camps, where you rent a stationery RV for the night, using public washroom facilities. We needed to stop more often than a car for gas, which was a good thing because it is easy to get 'saddle sore' when you have traveled for several hundred miles. Matter of fact, I learned that one could stand up on the bike for a couple of minutes while traveling along, using the foot peddles provided even if going at close to highway speed, just to take a load of pressure off your behind to get circulation flowing again. Our backpack strapped on the back seat did not prevent us from doing this.
On day three after purchase, we packed up from a motor camp in the early morning and filled our tanks up with gas at a service station close by. We had a relatively leisure ride up the road for 35 miles to a town where we were to find a place to have a bite to eat for breakfast. Upon arrival, I realized I misplaced my wallet as it was no longer in my back pocket. I checked my front pockets, nothing, my denim jacket, nothing. Fear started to enter my mind. Les was wondering why I was fumbling around looking for something, then getting more desperate in my search. He then caught on...no wallet! The wallet contained my remaining cash, credit card, driver's license, any other government or other identification I had except my passport which was still hugging me in the chest pouch we had made.
So I was in trouble before with the motorbike blowup and thus using up my traveler cheques, but this was pale in comparison to what I was just experiencing now! The more I thought about this, the more I realized the big trouble I was in! I could not legally drive anymore! I was completely reliant on Les for finance! It would have been painfully difficult with less identification to get a bank wire transfer! Someone could try to use my credit card! We could be stuck for days getting paperwork straightened out, eating away at the days we had available!
How loyal would Les remain to my cause?! He was my buddy and buddies forgive, but I was not going to forgive myself for having him suffer with me on this. My self esteem, or perhaps my ego had been dramatically hurt with the motorbike incident, but now there was something much worse! My stomach started to tie up in knots and I was breathing much harder as anxiety set in. Les was caught up in this whether he wanted to be or not. Les spoke first, and he drove the conversation:
“Where did you last use your wallet?"
“When we filled up with gas 35 miles down the road!"
“Do you think you might have left it there?"
“I cannot say for sure. I thought I had placed it back in my pocket!"
“If you had left it at the service station, the owner might have put it in a safe place in case we came back for it, unless a customer saw the wallet first and decided to take for his own use!”
Endless scenarios were possible as we brainstormed. We did not want to think about what to do next. The crux of the matter was the wallet and contents were missing and it was not time to move on from this yet.
“Do you think you might have placed it on the seat or someplace else on your bike, then only have it fall off later when you started to drive along the road?”
I did notice how calm and collective Les was, as wasting time with emotional onslaught would only aggravate the trauma we were experiencing. Les's questioning was needed, but each question raised more possibilities and I really was searching within myself to figure out what I did with that wallet.
“I do not know Les. I suppose this was possible, but I normally out of habit just put it back in my pant pocket."
“Well, the first thing we should do is phone the other service station to see if they have it in their possession."
A red British phone booth was found at our present stopover point complete with a well used phone book and so I dove in looking for the service station name, confirm the location to be right, then found the correct phone number. Les gave me the coin to make the call, but the response from the owner was that, sorry no wallet had been turned in, no wallet has been found. I sunk a bit in the booth from his answer and the spring loaded door of the booth closed behind me so that I had complete solitude and quietness, except one cicada who chose to vibrate his wings to provide me with a continuous chirping sound that has been known to drive people crazy, and is not something I wanted to have going on at this time, so I thought. I realized though the chirping sound was just a cicada who was innocent and unaware of my troubles, for I was deeply troubled with myself. To be honest, I just wanted to die from guilt. I could not help myself with my next thought:
Mom and Dad, I am so sorry to have let you down. You trusted me with this trip and I will do my best to get out of this situation as I do not want to disappoint you in any way.
I need to fix this somehow. As Christians, we all know what crucifixion and salvation stand for, but using these terms in a more general sense, I was crucifying myself with relentless attack on my subconscious, criticizing myself severely for not being more careful and taking better care of my wallet! The salvation needed was saving me from the anguish and pain I was putting myself through by changing the ultimate fate for what was happening. I was really ashamed of myself.
I looked at the cicada and observed his movement and sound and in that moment all troubles I had were no longer present, a reprieve from the black cloud hanging over my head. I also in this moment seemed to separate my spiritual presence from what was really happening based on the world as we know. I no longer wanted to remain independent and live on my own and so I prayed to God to please get me out of this mess I was in! This is not how my life is to go! When I prayed, my eyes were open, but I still considered myself to be focused in my spiritual realm as opposed to the physical plain. My thought next (whether it was my own or not) was that what I really needed for my life was to hit the "reset button" to take me back to where I was before I lost my wallet, to start anew.
As Les was waiting patiently outside, I scrambled out of the booth and came back quickly to the problem I had and the urgency of the matter I was dealing with. Decisions needed to be made for what we were to do next, and time was of the essence. Les had more questions to ask once I told him the bad news from the phone call:
“Just because the service station owner says he has not seen your wallet, it could still be there on a ledge or something, or maybe I can find it outside somewhere. Do you think there is any possibility that you might have lost it along the road?"
“I suppose it is possible as I remember now that I stood up once a few miles back and when I sat back down, my back pack might have caught the wallet and flipped it out of my pocket. Not likely, but this could have happened."
“Why don't I quickly go back to that service station and see if I can find it there and you take your time and travel back slowly along the road to see if you can find it? Then I will come back and find you along the road once done.”
I did not see much hope, but agreed we needed to do this for ourselves, to at least try to find it since it was so critical to have. I did not want to backtrack, to go in reverse, but if you never try, you will never know.
Les took off at a good pace, while I traveled slowly along the shoulder of the highway studying the road for any signs of my wallet. I was down big time, full of doom and gloom, but focused on the task at hand. I kept thinking that the only possibility for finding my wallet was in a certain area where I had stood up for a stretch. This hunch of mine was a glimmer of hope, like a shot in the dark. One half hour later, no sign of the wallet, but I was getting close to that area and so knew I needed to keep focusing, despite my wanting to give up. It did not take long for me to get tired of what I was doing. Cars continued to whiz by at breakneck speed, hitting every pot hole on that road. Aussie drivers are complete maniacs!
What I did find once in awhile was some garbage on the road, leaves, animal remains smashed many times by passing motorists, imperfections in the road, including those pot holes. What were the odds (I thought) of finding it? Les must be at the service station by now and on his way back soon. I saw something dark brown, was flat, but wrote it off as squashed animal dung. I went a few yards further down the road, then thought that what I saw was the same color as my leather wallet. I decided I best go back to make sure, just in case, even though I was "stuck in reverse", and wanting to move on from this. But my conscious insisted I turn around because if you never do your best in your search, you will never know. When I circled back, I came across that dark brown spot on the road. It was square in shape...really?...I stopped the bike and wandered over...and I picked up my squashed dark brown leather wallet!
I opened up the wallet to see if there was anything inside...and there was absolutely nothing, nothing at all! No money, no credit card or identification, nothing! Somebody must have taken everything inside it and threw the wallet back on the road! I heard a noise, a roar from afar, and could see from a distance another Aussie traveling fast towards me and so I stepped onto the side of the road to let him pass or risk getting run over. The Aussie never slowed down even a smidge, he hit a pot hole beside me and I could hear his car bottom out with a clunk, and then see his car going away fishtailing as a result! That guy would have run over my wallet because of the spot where I found it!
The car caused a swirling back wind in the tall grass along the side of the road. It was then that my life changed forever, for what I saw, I will never see again ever! In the wind there was money, my cash, and the money was swirling around me on all sides and went wherever the wind took it, but the tall thick swaying grass held it up so that it was on full display for any passerby! I grabbed a twenty, a ten, another twenty, a five, three ones, a ten... Another car went by at break neck speed causing another wind tunnel vortex and more money floating around in the air! This time I had to walk a few feet and I grabbed another twenty, a five. Sometimes I missed in my grab and I had to try a second time. I decided God was teasing me, playing with me, yet in a gentle, loving way. God was enlightening me, uplifting my mood, taking me back to where I was to be. Another car came, same procedure, look for the money that the grass was going to give me! I could not believe I was finding all of these Aussie dollars that had to have come out of my wallet! I looked on the ground for money at one point, but could not find any, only on top of the grass.
I concluded that the wallet must have been run over many times before by cars to squeeze the paper currency out so that it caught the wind, and the fact that the cash was sitting on top of the grass told me that the Aussies were driving too fast in this area to notice, specially if they were focused more on dodging the pot holes! If they were driving slower, they would have stopped to pick up the windfall! Even Les did not see it when he motored pass on his bike earlier! I found up to 120 Aussie dollars fluttering around, then laying on top of the grass, waiting for the next car to come by! No money that I saw made it to the ground to be hidden bv the grass! What I found was probably all but $15 of what I had in that wallet to begin with. To see the money flying around in the air all around me was a miracle to the nth degree!
So what happened to the cards in my wallet? I looked back again down the road. Several yards away I saw another smaller brown spot. I raced over and picked up a sleeve of cards, containing all my identification, such as driver's license, birth certificate, health card, and my one and only credit card! Yes! I have everything back except a very small amount of cash! When the car ran over the wallet, this caused a self contained leather sleeve to separate from the rest of the wallet and eventually get tossed further down the road, but the cards were not damaged, and all remained tightly in the sleeve as one unit!
I knew my prayers had been answered, and I knew that God was in Australia as he was in Canada! There was absolutely no way I could see this as being good luck, for everything to come together like it did, where the universe spoon fed me until I had reset my life to having my wallet back in tact. This was indeed a miracle! It was not long after that when Les showed up with his worried look of despair, only to utter a huge sigh of relief when I held up my wallet for him to see...
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try...to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you will never know
Just what you're worth
– Coldplay: Fix You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM
God fixed me really good this time! He was there and he did a number on me! He taught me the world is not always as it seems and there is a spiritual presence in everything! He was my Light and He showed me the way! He saved me!
*****************
This story occurred in 1975. My buddy Les has passed away, but I hope to go back to Australia again in the year 2025, the 50th anniversary of our trip in remembrance of him, and take a drive along the Pacific Coast Highway to at least Brisbane and see if I can recognize anything from our previous journey through that area. I know it will have been built up quite significantly by now and I was told this highway is now a divided thoroughfare with wide shoulders. You never know as I might be able to find the area again where I found my wallet. If so, I will have another look for that extra $15 as maybe it is still floating around in the grass!
What really happened, probably, is that I had spent this money previously before the incident. It is not like God was into capitalism or anything like that, and wanting His own take for a commission, and so I must have picked it all up, as I could not say for sure what I had for cash just before the incident. The grass kept the cash on display for hours until I came back for it, with the cash not slipping through the three foot tall blades of swaying grass to settle down to the ground.
Now that I am older, somewhat wiser, certainly a lot more knowledgeable, more careful, not as gullible, more mature, more fragile, more spiritual... I know now that we are very powerful spiritual beings, and we can perform our own miracles if we are in the right frame of mind. Being in the right frame of mind means that we have done the following:
Have faith that we are capable, coming to a full and complete awareness that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. As you think so shall you be (Proverbs). Be careful what you think about. How would you like this trip to proceed? The universe is in order (Divine Order) and our life is part of this intelligence.
Made meditation a regular part of our life so that our mind can be at peace. Learned how to shut down our inner dialogue of thought, the noise our mind is making, to empty it into a unified field of all possibilities. If we want to know God and hear his voice, our mind needs to be still.
Conquered our ego. Got rid of our self importance. This is a move away from self independence and no longer relying strictly on your own thought.
Now as a 24 year old, how was I doing with the above three steps? Based on first glance, I had my doubts that I could perform miracles, I never meditated ever, or listened to my inner voice, and I was very concerned about my ego/ image. Not exactly the right frame of mind to cause a miracle to manifest through me! So why did this miracle happen then? I have come up with the following answer:
I did ask for God's help. I had gained some faith back in Calgary that He would listen to my 'status report' and my 'request for action';
I had broken away from my relentless critical thought of myself in a moment, and it only takes a moment as it does not matter what has happened previously. With the help of a cicada I could no longer keep processing negative attacking thoughts from my brain;
I did state boldly, very strongly from deep within me, and confidentially to God that this is not going to be the story of my life! The ultimate fate from having a missing wallet will not happen!
Although I had an ego, come to think of it, it had really been shattered to smithereens with my own 'crucifixion', and now what was needed was the 'salvation'.
God loves me unconditionally, knew the folly of my ways, certainly laughed at what happened, and so He saved me from the pain and hardship I was experiencing.
Performing a miracle consistently is similar to golf as it takes practice. Like an amateur hitting the ball for the first time, sometimes you get lucky if your are aligned with the universe in that moment. Although not perfect, it was enough to cause things to happen.
God gives you His thoughts for what you need to do. He spoke to me through Les to go back along the highway slowly to look for my wallet. When I originally went past that brown 'smudge' on the highway, something came over me to go back for a second look. The Universe then handed me my wallet, my money, then my cards and ID in that order, thank you, because where do I place the money and my cards without the wallet?! The cicada, the tall green grass, the maniac Aussie drivers, and the earth's elements such as the wind also played an important role in this miracle.
The Universe came together as one to reset my life to where it was, with my wallet back together and in my... front pocket this time, not back pocket (lesson learned). I am sure I said thank you, although I cannot remember, but I will hopefully say thank you again in 2025.