Names have been changed to protect the vulnerable. This is a true story.
September 1, 2016
If I had known John's story prior to meeting, I might not have been quite so friendly. He is built like a bear as to stature, quite thick and his looks make you think that he is not someone you would want to mess with. One can search online for news articles for the crime committed, and in John's case, quite a horrifying event took place. John took the life of his common law partner in the spring of 2009, with three of their young kids in the house at the time, all under the age of seven years.
One news article labeled John as a “hideous monster”. John apparently “snapped”, losing it completely while home arguing with his partner and used brute force and manual strangulation. After leaving the house, John was in a daze, phoned his mother, and reported what he had done. His mother took control with phoning the police and ambulance. After John's call, realization set in, then guilt took over his conscience. When the police came to get him, he actually needed to be taken to a hospital by ambulance since he tried to commit suicide, but failed in his attempt.
John's sentence started as soon as he was released from the hospital. He confessed being guilty when appearing in court later. There was never any argument over this. The prosecutor said it best, describing John as intending to kill or causing bodily harm which he knew was likely to cause death and was reckless as to whether death ensued. He had absolutely no other criminal record or incident involving drugs, alcohol, or other crimes, such as theft, only murder for his first offence. John accepted a 10 year sentence of second degree murder, with no opportunity for parole.
What happened? He was sobbing when confessing, mentioning that he actually loved his partner, and apologized to her family for what he had done. The family of the victim commented in the news that they were satisfied he was accepting responsibility for what he did, which in their words, was a "heinous crime". John's mother took custody of the three kids and has been their parent to this day, giving them the home, education, and security that they needed.
Bowden thinks now he is little risk to society, thus granting him a chance to volunteer under limited surveillance. Therefore, John is the newest inmate and he came to us very quiet, humble, and cautious, kept to himself, and seemed a little lost. He also did not know what others would think and whether they would accept and trust him since he had been labelled as a killer. I ended up working with him more than anyone else did and it took awhile for him to get comfortable around me, but certainly he has been coming out of his shell lately. I learned about his three kids, now from 7 to 13 years of age, who he has not seen since his sentence as he could only write to them from prison.
I have concluded he can be easily influenced by others. He mentioned for instance before his trouble started that he had a Kirby vacuum salesman come to his door and he ended up buying a $2,300 vacuum cleaner that his wife apparently wanted as well. This told me a lot about him, since only the rich should buy such luxury, and John was lower middle class. This story at least allowed me to conclude about his struggle to be assertive and his reliance on others for decision making and apparent lack of competency and self esteem. He did want to be in control of his relationship, to take charge, and found it difficult to be assertive enough when needed, with the only option he knew of being aggression.
I noticed that if I gave him too many instructions, he backed off completely and ignored my requests, as he could not handle complexity. I never pressed him for a response, as he would just ignore me, having reached his saturation point. He still continued on doing constructive work anyways and so eventually I introduced him to my other thoughts once he had progressed far enough to accept. A more assertive person would have asked me to back off a bit as it was too much, but John is no expert in inter-personal relations.
Once free, he just wants to learn a trade perhaps in construction and get some take home pay to live on. He sold his house before he went to jail and so has cash to buy some real estate property when he gets out. He wants to take care of his kids and be handed the "torch" from his own mother for their caring. I am sure it will be quite a transition if he comes home to them one day.
He said he would be scared right now if he was free since Bowden is his security blanket. His being scared of freedom is probably a good thing since he does not want to lose it again. I truly feel that if John had only picked a more compatible partner(?), this incident would never have happened and he would have been a normal citizen of this country with no criminal record (but the "problem" would not have been addressed). Fate has its way of teaching John a very hard lesson in life, at the expense of the victim. It is hard to accept the fact that a victim was sacrificed for this lesson.
What makes it easier for me is what I am aware of for what is possible. Your life does not have to end after death, but can rather be just the beginning. Therefore the victim in this murder could have transitioned spiritually and at her choice, she could have reincarnated into another human being. Her passing away was meant to happen and was a plan for a lesson that John needed to learn. There "could have" been a cruel lesson that the victim learned too, such as do not pressure, threaten, or try to be critical of someone like John.
I asked John a question as to how he could avoid losing it in the future and he really could not answer that well. I am sure he has had his share of anger management courses, and his backing off suggests to me that he wants to avoid at all cost any confrontation in order to control his emotions and thoughts.
I feel completely comfortable with John when working with him. He is rock solid, does not get frustrated over quality and measurement confusion when I do. When I had to crawl in the dirt under a stairway to put in the remaining screws, it was John who helped me get up after and dusted me off for a job well done. He could have broken me in two with his strength, but had no reason to. He treats me as his buddy.
My concerns start with... if his wife put too much pressure on him earlier, what will his kids do to him when they become adolescents? You know how a child can take on similar character and behavior of a parent...well what if one of his kids has a similar assertive and competitive disposition that I suspect the mother of this crime had? John comes across as a kind soul, but like a bear in hiding, if you pressure him too much so that he is overwhelmed, threatened, he could roar and charge without proper control measures in place.
What also concerns me is that it seems like I know John better than he knows himself, but this will not likely be the case. Some people have difficulty in thinking for themselves, but what will help is that John needs to learn as an example that he is not alone. When we were born, we felt we were separated from the Divine but in fact never left and have always been part of Him. Thus the expression that we are one of God's children. John should not try to control his thoughts on his own, but instead call upon Divine intervention for damage control when he gets backed into a corner.
John should be eligible for parole in 2019 if he plays his cards right. Would you like to meet and volunteer with him? John will not have any issue with 95 percent of the people in this world for every circumstance. Do you feel lucky? We have to trust the Bowden Institute to continue to give John the counselling he needs.
Update - December 1, 2016
Unlike the other two, this prisoner's story has turned out quite positive. I was a bit premature in my assessment of John and so this update needs to go with the original story so that the truth be known about my renewed optimism. John is the quiet one, non assertive, and it was this combination that initially caused me to be concerned about his well being still, but I am now able to give him a passing grade in that he should be allowed to be released to continue on with his life as it should have been.
John knows the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness that he subconsciously succumbed to. Most of John's problem was that he kept issues to himself and did not release them, until reaching his 'boiling point'. The one ugly crime he committed was the only one he has ever done. John snapped, then immediately became remorseful and guilty, end of story. John is actually the best example of how a person committing a crime needs to revisit who he really is, and in his case learn how to avoid getting wound up, to let go safely. John has had many counselling sessions to reprogram his subconscious mind to act differently next time. The police had no log of events on John and they were quite surprised for his vicious crime committed and the fact that John willingly waited for the cops to come and take him away.
In review, John has always liked me the best at Habitat since I am also quiet and non assertive for the most part. He even finds my sense of humor to be enjoyable, and he latched onto me since I was the most helpful when he first started coming on site. I got him out of his shell as I made him more comfortable to work with, which helped his self esteem. John is the most honest and sincere criminal I have ever known in my life. He does not know how to lie like the politicians do. I think the expression that you never want to mess with John though is still quite appropriate as he is so strong and daunting.
It was me who completely lost it one day when working with him, not John. I had gotten quite frustrated as the work we were doing was not looking right, and was kind of tricky. When I get frustrated, I find it quite difficult to continue working. John thought it was rather funny and my frustration only gave him confidence that he himself did not succumb to the issues we were experiencing at hand.
John asked me for a character letter of reference. I hesitated slightly then quickly agreed to provide because my reference is only for the time that I have known him, as it should be, and absolutely nothing to do with past events.